I Miss You

Because I miss you, I let it out by write it with my blood...
Because I miss you, now I'm speechless...

The Hatred Part 2

It's keep coming and coming. Never let me to calm it down or erase the feelings from my mind and soul. Every second and minute makes this hate feeling getting bigger and bigger. Torturing my heart and my thought. The hatred, can't remove or make it bit slow down. But it's stay there and gripped me tight. It's stay there and act so hard. Nothing can make it get out of me or make it bit calm. And all of this hatred become animosity. It's makes me fling and hating people more and more. And makes me swear doing something bad to them when I can. This feelings makes me scare. Scare to my self and all I can done to hurt people. This feelings makes me do bad things a lot, things that I know hurting many people. And most of all it's hurting people I love. It's hurting my parents and my lovely uncle. It's hurting every people around me. Oh why the devil is so strong grip me? Why devil is so rocking my soul and my mind? Uggghhh I hate this condition. I need something to divert my mind. I need something to express my feelings. I wont blowing up like a volcano. I won't...

The Hatred Part 1

The hates keep flowing in my blood
The anger keep stay in my heart
The devil keep push me to throwing all out

The devil keep telling me to kill them all
This hatred have reaching my head
This anger have reaching my soul
The devil have got my mind
The devil have got me


But the angel still there in my side
The angel still there to hold my emotion
The angel still there to cold my mind
To cold my heart
As it's cold touch and the flame slowly gone
As it's cold touch and the tornado slowly stop
As it's cold touch and I get my patient back


It's hard to get all down and calm
It's need to struggling hard to make all feel better
It's hard to eliminate my hatred
It's hard...

Letter For God

Dear God,

I know you are busy with so many trouble in this world. But please spare just few minute to read my letter. God... I know You know me well, but for truly, I didn't know You well. *grind* God, even I didn't know You well, But I really really believe in You. You are the light of my path, You are the light of my destiny, and you are the light of my heart and soul.

God, as You know well I lay my life in your hand. I trust my destiny in You. And I put my soul as Your servant. God... nowadays, I'm in hard time. I know You always with me in my every sad and happiness. But now is my hard time. It's not mean that I want to complain for my fate, it's just I need some place to share my feelings. God, I need you more nowadays, to lead me to Your right way. I need You more nowadays, to guide trough all this darkness. I need You more nowadays, to erase all my confuse.

God there's nobody I can trust in my life, and I only can trust You to help me with all my matter. Because I know only you the one can guard me from every retarder and the one can lead me into the light. God I only have one thing to ask from You, and I really really hoping that you will bless me with makes my wish come true. God the only thing I ask is, please let my parents life calm with Your bless and abundant. Please God, please...

God... I think all I can say for now. But for sure I'll write again for you next time. Thanks a lot God to spare your time to read my letter. I love you God. 

With love and hopefulness,

-m3-

Stop Pushing Me Away

I just an ordinary girl, with limited brain capacity. I just an abandoned and neglected child. I'm the one all people pushing away when they find their happiness. I'm the one they pushing away when they success in their life. I'm the one they pushing away when they got what they want. 


I just an ordinary girl with limited heart capacity. I just an abandoned and neglected child. But I'm the one they have when they on their sadness. But I'm the one they have when they got matter. but I'm the one they have when they fall from their crown. But I'm the one they have  when they feel down.


I just an ordinary girl with feeling and mind. I can feel hurt and feel sad. I can feel bad and feel angry. Why should me the one you abandoned when you got what you want? Why should me you neglect when you got all your dreams? Why me you choose to carried all your matter and trouble? Why can you all understand, I'm a human with heart and feeling. 


I can't understand what you thinking about me. Even I've tried dive into your heart and mind, I still can't understand why should me the one you pushing away from your life. Can't you just let me in to your life? Please. I don't mind you made me as a bin for you carry out all your sad feeling. I don't mind you made me as a bin for you shared all your matter. But please let me in, and stop pushing me away on your happy time. Please let me in, and stop pushing me away from your success time.


I just an ordinary girl with heart and mind, with soul and feel. Can't you understand me as that simple...???

Right...???

It's always feel so terrible and bad when I live like this. Never have a calmness and always in under pressure feeling. This is so bad for my mental health and my emotion. I don't know till when I can hold everything. God please give me a strength and please makes me hold with all of this matter. Truly God, without You I'm nothing. Without you I can't do anything. Until now I still hold my tears, hold my scream and hold my emotion. But I didn't know how long I can keep all of this before all blowing and explode from my head. I didn't know are my physic still can hold all this feeling and emotion. It's really kill me slowly. All of this, makes my mental health decreased day by day. I do really scare to my self. Scare that I will explode or I will get laying on the bed in hospital, again. I might still can hold till I don't know, but I'm sure I'll do something extreme which can kill my self if all this craziness wont stop. In here nobody understand or try to listen to me. I know that I have to make my self strong and let my family keep see me that I can face all of this. But deep, deep, deep inside my heart and my mind, I really can't stand anymore. If I can let mom fall alone, I will run from here long time ago. If I can let dad down alone, i will go away from here long time ago. But I can't. If I go from mom side, she didn't have any body who can give her spirit and make her strong. If I go from dad side , he didn't have place to share all his matter and trouble. I know all of this matter and trouble caused of him, mom and I is the victim for all he done. But however he is my dad, I can't just let him fall down alone by him self. I should be there to back him up and try to help him as much as I can. Right...???