Stop Pushing Me Away

I just an ordinary girl, with limited brain capacity. I just an abandoned and neglected child. I'm the one all people pushing away when they find their happiness. I'm the one they pushing away when they success in their life. I'm the one they pushing away when they got what they want. 


I just an ordinary girl with limited heart capacity. I just an abandoned and neglected child. But I'm the one they have when they on their sadness. But I'm the one they have when they got matter. but I'm the one they have when they fall from their crown. But I'm the one they have  when they feel down.


I just an ordinary girl with feeling and mind. I can feel hurt and feel sad. I can feel bad and feel angry. Why should me the one you abandoned when you got what you want? Why should me you neglect when you got all your dreams? Why me you choose to carried all your matter and trouble? Why can you all understand, I'm a human with heart and feeling. 


I can't understand what you thinking about me. Even I've tried dive into your heart and mind, I still can't understand why should me the one you pushing away from your life. Can't you just let me in to your life? Please. I don't mind you made me as a bin for you carry out all your sad feeling. I don't mind you made me as a bin for you shared all your matter. But please let me in, and stop pushing me away on your happy time. Please let me in, and stop pushing me away from your success time.


I just an ordinary girl with heart and mind, with soul and feel. Can't you understand me as that simple...???

Right...???

It's always feel so terrible and bad when I live like this. Never have a calmness and always in under pressure feeling. This is so bad for my mental health and my emotion. I don't know till when I can hold everything. God please give me a strength and please makes me hold with all of this matter. Truly God, without You I'm nothing. Without you I can't do anything. Until now I still hold my tears, hold my scream and hold my emotion. But I didn't know how long I can keep all of this before all blowing and explode from my head. I didn't know are my physic still can hold all this feeling and emotion. It's really kill me slowly. All of this, makes my mental health decreased day by day. I do really scare to my self. Scare that I will explode or I will get laying on the bed in hospital, again. I might still can hold till I don't know, but I'm sure I'll do something extreme which can kill my self if all this craziness wont stop. In here nobody understand or try to listen to me. I know that I have to make my self strong and let my family keep see me that I can face all of this. But deep, deep, deep inside my heart and my mind, I really can't stand anymore. If I can let mom fall alone, I will run from here long time ago. If I can let dad down alone, i will go away from here long time ago. But I can't. If I go from mom side, she didn't have any body who can give her spirit and make her strong. If I go from dad side , he didn't have place to share all his matter and trouble. I know all of this matter and trouble caused of him, mom and I is the victim for all he done. But however he is my dad, I can't just let him fall down alone by him self. I should be there to back him up and try to help him as much as I can. Right...???

Keke Palmer Video Clip

I just found this song, and it's remind me that I should give this song to someone when I can... :P But now all it's just too late, but I still post this here... Because I know he still come and see my blog some times... :D Just love this song and it's so right about him... ^^"

Suffer To Death

Day by day running fast
Minute by minute passed without I realized
And the suffer still there

Every hours passed and gone
Every second I walk with the matter in my head
And the suffer never go away from my life

All seems so dark and darker
All feel so empty and emptier
And the suffer keeping there with his head stone

I embraced by the densely feeling
I surrounded by the misery
And the suffer wont stop torturing me

This is the way suffer got me
Got my soul, got my mind
And the suffer will always there till the death come

Suffer, suffer, suffer
Don't it's enough you got my soul and my mind??
Why should stop now if you can get me till death??

Right suffer...???
 

Life In My Perspective

Life is never easy... Sometimes life is very hard and tough... But life have it's own way to teach you, teach you how to be a better person, teach you how to share with your community, teach you how to earn living, teach you how to love people, and teach you how to manage your life... In your life you meet so many people everyday... Some of them just come and go, some stay for a while and then go, and some of them always at your side no matter what... And with life you can learn which is your truly and trustworthy friends, which is only be your friends when they need, which is only make you as benefit friends, and which is your enemies... And in life no matter what and no matter how, family is everything... Family the one you can share your sadness and happiness... Family the one always support you for any you do... Family the one direct you to do the right things when you may do a wrong... Family the one always be with you and encourage you when you down... In life nothing precious then your family... Best friends still can betray you and leave you in hell, but family will try to reach you and help you to lift up to heaven... Relatives can make you down and consider you are nothing... But family always there to make you up and meaningful... Life is too short to make it meaningless and neglected... Life is too short to wasting time without family...

Anger Emotion Devil

This anger can't be hold no more. This emotion can't be control no more. All of this should be let out or I will blow up and killing some body. I will be feel so bad and hurting my self. I will be grumpy and treat people bad. I will be shout any around me. How I can control this anger, how I can control this emotion if nobody understand me. I should be angry and hurting people. But no place for me to spill out all of this. Doing shout in quite place even not helped to make me calm down. Praying even don't have it's power to make me calm down. Where is the devil when I need them to help me spill out all of this? Where is angel to help me calm down my self? Where is God to lead me being a good girl? They all not here, and I leaving alone by them. No one willing to take me or help me. I kind of unrecognized creature. What am I if no God or Angel, even Devil willing to have me as their follower..???

I Know You...

Asking me for what I know about you is the funniest question I ever heard. Do you want to know what I know about you..?? This is what I know about you:

• I know you are the man which have a big heart, and you loving me with the heart.

• I know you have a very long patient, and you waiting me with that patient. 

• I know you have a strong mind, and you helping me with your mind. 

• I know you have softest feel, and you comforting me with the feel. 

• I know you have the most beautiful eyes, and you see me with that eyes.
• I know you have a strong hand, and you hug me with that hand.
• I know you have a wide care for me.
• I know you have a bunch of attention and passion for me.
• I know you want me to be at your side and want me to be always with you till death do us apart.
• I know you want me to be your wife.
• I know you want me as much as I want you.

Don't you know I know about you...??? Don't you know I understand you..??? But did you know about me or understand me..???